Butt Seriously … how to give yourself a Rosebud massage.

In my last post, I shared all the benefits of bringing loving attention and touch to your anus, without penetration. But in sexological bodywork, we lovingly refer to the anus as the “rosebud.” (Try to hold your Citizen Kane jokes if you can help it!)

It’s why my preparatory somatic exercise for anal play is called “Rosebud Connection.” So in this post, I’m going to teach you how to give yourself a Rosebud Massage: aka, Anal Massage. 

Why Rosebud Massage Is Key For Sensuality, Sexuality, Mapping and Genital De-Armoring

Something I frequently talk about at Pleasure Muse is “mapping.” You can map any part of your body by expanding and developing your sensations through somatic learning. We “map” through focused singular touch, stillness, and noticing what you’re feeling - rather than what you’re thinking. 

Our fascia holds emotional memories that create physical sensations, and from there, nervous system reactions. If these are negative, the body often builds “armor” through tension – keeping certain areas tight, and blocking your pleasure.  

But with anal mapping, you develop somatic awareness of the sensations you’re discovering. If you’re able to be with, process and unwind negative emotions, pain, numbness or shame, you can more easily move into genital de-armoring, and reclaim pleasure in your genitals. 

Health Benefits of Rosebud Massage

De-armoring is one of many benefits you’ll get from this work. Massaging the anus stimulates your vagus nerve, the nerve in charge of your nervous system. If approached calmly and lovingly, the massage can be very down-regulating in a healthy way. Think better sleep, reduced stress, and helpful preparation for anal sex – if that’s your desire.

The goal with Rosebud Massage is to find comfort, safety, relaxation and then to increase pleasurable sensations over time. It’s your way of building your own relationship with this typically unexplored part of your body BEFORE inviting anyone else to the party. One route to gaining this type of agency is Somatic Dialoguing – and it’s key to my Pleasure Muse intimacy and embodiment work. 

What The Heck Is “Somatic Dialoguing?”

Soma means “of the body.”  As a somatic sexological bodyworker, I help you build bridges to your body connection. With Somatic Dialoguing, you’re asking parts of your body what they want. You’re also learning to not let intrusive thoughts hijack the process, but rather giving your body permission to explore. Once you try it, you’ll wonder why you never learned something so intuitive! 

How To Give Yourself Rosebud Massage in 6 Steps

Supplies: 

-lube or castor oil 

-towel or wet wipes

-trimmed fingernails

-disposable gloves (optional) 

-sex toy (optional): make sure it’s compatible with your lube 

Step 1: Do your Rosebud Connection exercise. Then, bringing awareness to your anus, silently ask how it feels about being touched (this begins somatic dialoguing).  Notice if you have any shifts in bodily sensations, emotions, memories, or thoughts, which is how your body speaks to you..  

Step 2: Listen for an answer. Here’s a guide: 

>> negative feeling, thought or contracted body sensation = no

>> excited, soft or pleasant feeling or an open body sensation =  yes 

>> no response, no change in sensation  = numbness or shyness = which also equals no

Accept the message without judgment by thanking your body for sharing its perspective with you. If you got a “no,” let your anus know your desire to explore it in a tender, loving way when it’s ready. Repeat this practice 3-7x/week, so your rosebud gets accustomed to this attention.

Showing up for your body like this and honoring its “no” will allow its “yes” to be authentic. When you get the “yes,” your body feels safe and you can proceed to the next step. 

Step 3: After bathing, lay on your side in a comfortable place with your knees bent. Then, reach your dominant hand over your butt to access the butt cheeks, butt crack and anus. Massage, touch, or squeeze your buttocks before gently sliding your fingers through your butt crack. Repeat as you’d like.

Step 4: Gently place 2 finger pads over your anus opening and hold.

> Feel into the difference of a presence touch or medium to firm holding touch. Adjust your pressure to what feels best.

> Breathe.  

> Continue to hold in place with stillness until you feel your body and/or your anus relax. Notice if you’re holding your breath. And breathe!

> If holding touch feels safe, then bring in slow movement & exploration.

> Notice any sensations that feel tense, tickly, potential for pleasure, painful or numb.

> Also notice any emotions that might be surfacing. If at any point strong emotions surface or you feel your body contracting, place your 2 fingers in the holding position and breathe.  

>You can choose to stay with what you’re feeling, noticing if it stays the same, amplifies or minimizes.  

>Or, if you’re not ready to interact with these feelings, thank your anus for letting you explore and sharing its messages with you, concluding your touch.

Step 5: If you feel comfortable proceeding, you can bring in a new level of sensation by adding lube and gently massaging your buttocks, inner cheeks, butt crack, and your external anal sphincter. Be diligent about NOT letting a finger slide into the anus.

> Does the addition of lube and massage create more potential for pleasure? What do you notice? What sensations? What emotions?

>  Feel free to end the session.

> The next time you explore at this stage, add in a sex toy (wand, vibrator, anal butt plug, etc.) to create a different massage texture or vibration, still taking care not to let it slip in. Notice how these sensations are different from those evoked by your fingers. 

> End your session by placing 2 finger pads in the holding position on your rosebud and breathe.

> Thank your anus for letting you explore. Notice any messages you receive. 

Step 6: Wipe or wash your hands or remove glove(s).  Be aware of any emotions that surface later in day, or when you’re feeling relaxed.

Note that giving yourself Rosebud Massage can sometimes feel ticklish or ickish! Remember, it’s your body and each crevice needs t-l-c. If any ick shows up, just add in a disposable glove.  

The idea here isn’t to nail it on the first try, but simply to notice what comes up, whether that’s a ticklish response, a shame response, a low-sensation response, or even an emotional response. It’s all information. 

By continuing to engage in somatic dialoguing and other embodiment principals (breath, touch, placement of awareness), you can help unwind uneasy feelings, shame, and numbness, also called “genital amnesia.” Plus, over time, technique will improve: you’ll start to notice what feels good and what doesn’t, as you begin to welcome this body part to the pleasure party. 

Most importantly, be kind and compassionate with yourself. And if you ever need a guide to help heal potential trauma, up your pleasure or simply figure this whole anus area out, you can reach out to me anytime. 

Enjoy your anal exploration! 

Next Blog … how do anal orgasms work?