That title seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
You’re probably thinking, “How can taking sex off the table be romantic?” Or “How will avoiding sex help my relationship?’
We’re in the middle of strange times. We may feel cooped up with our partners or are just having trouble facing the new reality of COVID-19.
While this pandemic is uncharted territory, it’s been compared to natural disasters and even 9/11. There is often a baby boom nine months after events like these—and also a spike in divorces.
Soon after restrictions were lifted in China, The Global Times reported that the Chinese city of Xi'an experienced a record-breaking uptick in divorce requests. Some districts even ran out of appointment availability at the government offices where divorces are filed.
The New York Post reported that attorneys are flooded with divorce inquiries and expect an “avalanche of filings” when courts open back up.
Most of us are confined to close quarters with our partners, spending more one-on-one time than ever before.
This can create a stressful and even inflammatory environment when you couple it with health issues, financial setbacks, job insecurity, family obligations and reduced personal freedoms.
With all that comes low grade anxiety that can hijack your body.
I’m hearing from so many of you that your libido has drastically plummeted—and is even non-existent. Zilch. Zero.
If you’re feeling disconnected, it seems like sex would be the glue needed to keep your intimate relationship together. It’s the go-to, right?
But should we just go through the motions, even if we’re not feeling it?
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to put the brakes on, and even 86 your SEXPECTATIONS from the menu.
Yes, you heard that right! Your very own sex and intimacy coach is telling you to slow your roll.
While intimacy is vital to your relationship, the WORST thing anyone can do is force themselves to do something they don’t want to.
When you do that, you are crossing the greatest boundary of them all: YOUR OWN!
Consider the possibility of throwing everything off your dining room table to have wild spontaneous sex in the middle of the day.
Maybe that sounds perfectly delicious to you.
But if that’s not your cup of tea right now, I’m giving you a hall pass to enter the NO PRESSURE ZONE!
Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t feel like doing. It does not foster the kind of sex that strengthens relationships.
Instead, take sex OFF the table for the time being.
Use this time instead to focus on nurturing, loving, fun-spirited acts-of-kindness toward one another. Cuddling and holding each other can be incredibly satiating!
We want ALL our love needs to be fulfilled. Sometimes that means feeling like we are ENOUGH even when we are not in the mood for sex.
When we take sex off the table temporarily, it allows us to reset. It gives us a chance to get to know each other a little differently.
You can still be sensual—you can give each other massages or even engage in a little bit of foreplay. Or you can press pause on all that too.
Taking sex off the table helps you evolve the friendship side of your relationship. There’s nothing better than feeling like your intimate partner is also your best friend.
Try activities you don’t usually do, like playing a board game, working out or cooking together—just to remind yourselves how much fun you have with each other aside from your sexual connection.
It will give you a chance to focus on the emotional side of your relationship. Sexual desire flows from emotional intimacy. As that grows, so will your openness and desire for physical intimacy.
In times like these, it's ok to take a pause so you can nurture things that seem more pressing.
Try taking sex off the table for a short period to see how it feels. Watch my FREE Embodied Nourishment virtual workshop together—or solo—to understand how feelings of safety beget connection and intimacy. I share some personal stories about how my hubby and I needed to take sex off the table and followed this formula to get us through a more challenging #StayAtHome week. It's truly the foundation for emotional intimacy
It can be an amazing period of evolution for both you and your relationship!
But after a reasonable pause, if you’re still not feeling inspired to jump back on the table, take time to honestly reflect about your sex life before COVID-19. If it felt just as non-existent, then book a one-time appointment with me to help sort things out.